When it comes out that my husband is deaf, I'm usually the first person people have met with a deaf husband. Here are some of the most common questions/reactions and the answers:
1. Does that mean you know sign language?
When I first got asked this question I was surprised. My husband is deaf, of course I know sign language! However, I have since realized that some hearing/deaf couples really can talk to each other, lip read or use a mix of ASL and speaking. In my case, yes I know sign language and yes I am fluent and it is the way I communicate with my huz.
2. How did you learn ASL?
Some hearing wives are native signers with deaf siblings or parents and have grown up in the deaf community. I'm not. I took two high school classes and one semester in college and that's it. I was never super into it (I actually took it because it was easy), but when I met my husband I just fell in love with him and he taught me almost everything I know. Fortunately I picked it up pretty fast which I attribute to God, my background in dance and his incredible patience. I actually think Fayoz MIGHT have been the first deaf person I met. I'll have to rack my brain about that...**
3. So is it really quiet in your house?
Yes and no. I have the luxury of "owning the sound" which means I can ask Fayoz to silence the movie he is watching or his video call and blast whatever I want to.
However, Fayoz isn't aware of the sound he is making so he can be pretty loud when he is doing something around in the apartment. The loudest night I've ever had was when we spent the night with about 20 other deaf people all sleeping on the floor of a big room for the Hill Cumorah Pageant. Seriously, everyone was snoring, burping, farting, babies were screaming and someone was even watching a movie! Our church meetings can be pretty loud too with all the random noises.
Also just because people are deaf doesn't mean they don't have the capability to talk (aka vocal cords), it's just super hard to learn without knowing how sound sounds. A lot of deaf people make sounds or "vocalize" while they are signing. I don't even notice, because when Fayoz does it it's kind of an extension of what he's saying in ASL or adds emphasis. Sometimes Fayoz pretends to talk (babbles) or I try to teach him to talk sometimes. I really love the soft sound of his voice and he has a really cute laugh.
His favorite phrase? "Too bad Stephen."
4. Does that mean you'll have deaf kids?
Deafness is hereditary for some people, but my husband wasn't born deaf and doesn't have the gene so our kids have as much chance of being deaf as the next person. Hearing / deaf couples are very well equipped to raise a deaf child though, so they probably won't care whether their children are deaf or hearing. Many hearing / deaf and deaf couples actually would prefer a deaf child. We are happy our kids will be hearing, but if we had a deaf child, great!
5. So will your kids learn sign language?
Yes. I worry more about our kids signing well than than speaking well. Of course they need to be able to fluently communicate with their Dad!
6. How did your parents feel about him being deaf?
A lot of things. They thought I was dating him because I have a big heart (definitely not true) and were very worried. They actually worried more about his education than his deafness. Fayoz was never offended. He would always say to me "Look how much your parents love you to care this much!" He was right - their concern was rooted in love.
It was hard, but we all made it out with forgiveness in our hearts and unconditional love and now my whole family is taking sign classes! Fayoz would always remind me that they were concerned because they loved me and I would bring up my concerns with him first, which he always resolved. I have an awesome supportive family.
7. Really?? I'm sorry...
I have actually never gotten this but some of the hearing wives I know have. I totally understand where sympathy is coming from, but I knew my he was deaf before I decided to marry him, so no need to feel sorry for me!
Don't assume a being a hearing wife makes me the most compassionate person in the world. I didn't marry him because I'm a saint, I married him because he's awesome!
Got other questions? If you add them to the comment section I just might add a part 2!
**After founding this out my friends reminded me who the first deaf people I met actually were - I have a childhood friend with a deaf brother who was most likely the first and a few in between.
***This is Stephen (a.k.a. Elder Cowley). He is an amazing LDS Missionary and serves with us in ASL. He used to give Fayoz voice lessons every once in a while, and wanted him to learn how to say "Stephen" and name his son Stephen. One day when we had a lesson at our apartment, our friend couldn't make it home because the train shut down so we invited him to stay overnight.
Elder Cowley signed "I want to stay overnight!"
And Fayoz spoke out "Too bad Stephen!"
We were all shocked and it's been a joke between us ever since and is Fayoz's favorite thing to say, even if Elder Cowley isn't around.
1. Does that mean you know sign language?
When I first got asked this question I was surprised. My husband is deaf, of course I know sign language! However, I have since realized that some hearing/deaf couples really can talk to each other, lip read or use a mix of ASL and speaking. In my case, yes I know sign language and yes I am fluent and it is the way I communicate with my huz.
2. How did you learn ASL?
Some hearing wives are native signers with deaf siblings or parents and have grown up in the deaf community. I'm not. I took two high school classes and one semester in college and that's it. I was never super into it (I actually took it because it was easy), but when I met my husband I just fell in love with him and he taught me almost everything I know. Fortunately I picked it up pretty fast which I attribute to God, my background in dance and his incredible patience. I actually think Fayoz MIGHT have been the first deaf person I met. I'll have to rack my brain about that...**
3. So is it really quiet in your house?
Yes and no. I have the luxury of "owning the sound" which means I can ask Fayoz to silence the movie he is watching or his video call and blast whatever I want to.
However, Fayoz isn't aware of the sound he is making so he can be pretty loud when he is doing something around in the apartment. The loudest night I've ever had was when we spent the night with about 20 other deaf people all sleeping on the floor of a big room for the Hill Cumorah Pageant. Seriously, everyone was snoring, burping, farting, babies were screaming and someone was even watching a movie! Our church meetings can be pretty loud too with all the random noises.
Also just because people are deaf doesn't mean they don't have the capability to talk (aka vocal cords), it's just super hard to learn without knowing how sound sounds. A lot of deaf people make sounds or "vocalize" while they are signing. I don't even notice, because when Fayoz does it it's kind of an extension of what he's saying in ASL or adds emphasis. Sometimes Fayoz pretends to talk (babbles) or I try to teach him to talk sometimes. I really love the soft sound of his voice and he has a really cute laugh.
His favorite phrase? "Too bad Stephen."
He even says it in a Disneyland hat shop!
4. Does that mean you'll have deaf kids?
Deafness is hereditary for some people, but my husband wasn't born deaf and doesn't have the gene so our kids have as much chance of being deaf as the next person. Hearing / deaf couples are very well equipped to raise a deaf child though, so they probably won't care whether their children are deaf or hearing. Many hearing / deaf and deaf couples actually would prefer a deaf child. We are happy our kids will be hearing, but if we had a deaf child, great!
5. So will your kids learn sign language?
Yes. I worry more about our kids signing well than than speaking well. Of course they need to be able to fluently communicate with their Dad!
6. How did your parents feel about him being deaf?
A lot of things. They thought I was dating him because I have a big heart (definitely not true) and were very worried. They actually worried more about his education than his deafness. Fayoz was never offended. He would always say to me "Look how much your parents love you to care this much!" He was right - their concern was rooted in love.
It was hard, but we all made it out with forgiveness in our hearts and unconditional love and now my whole family is taking sign classes! Fayoz would always remind me that they were concerned because they loved me and I would bring up my concerns with him first, which he always resolved. I have an awesome supportive family.
7. Really?? I'm sorry...
I have actually never gotten this but some of the hearing wives I know have. I totally understand where sympathy is coming from, but I knew my he was deaf before I decided to marry him, so no need to feel sorry for me!
Don't assume a being a hearing wife makes me the most compassionate person in the world. I didn't marry him because I'm a saint, I married him because he's awesome!
 |
| Fayoz being awesome. He text this to me when my new ring came in the mail. Cutie! |
**After founding this out my friends reminded me who the first deaf people I met actually were - I have a childhood friend with a deaf brother who was most likely the first and a few in between.
***This is Stephen (a.k.a. Elder Cowley). He is an amazing LDS Missionary and serves with us in ASL. He used to give Fayoz voice lessons every once in a while, and wanted him to learn how to say "Stephen" and name his son Stephen. One day when we had a lesson at our apartment, our friend couldn't make it home because the train shut down so we invited him to stay overnight.
Elder Cowley signed "I want to stay overnight!"
And Fayoz spoke out "Too bad Stephen!"
We were all shocked and it's been a joke between us ever since and is Fayoz's favorite thing to say, even if Elder Cowley isn't around.
 |
| He will rue the day he taught Fayoz to say "Stephen" |
Hi Kylie! (This is Jackie Corbitt from Monticello years ago :) So, I'm reading your blog and it's super interesting. This is definitely a side of life I don't know much about. I'm curious though - your husband wasn't born deaf, so how did he become deaf?
ReplyDeleteHi Jackie!! How he became deaf (and also how he ended up in America) are both really fascinating stories. I will definitely write a whole post about it in the future!
ReplyDeleteKylie! Love! Question why is too bad steven his favorite thing to say?
ReplyDeleteLove this blog!
ReplyDeleteSince you asked, I'll post 2 questions... they're kinda vague, so if you answer them, go in whatever direction you desire ;)
What was it like starting to date and being limited in how much you guys could communicate?
And 2, did you have any unexpected challenges/things to get used to when you guys got married?
:)
Hi Kylie, great blog, I know ,Fayoz, is an awesome guy. One day I will learn A.SL. You guys are a great example, you are a fantastic couple... look forward to the next posting... Have a nice one!!
ReplyDelete